How Do You Help Someone to Say Goodbye?

There's a song sung by Patty Loveless entitled "How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye?"


The lyrics are as follows:

Through the back window of a '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin' further away
I kept on waving 'till I couldn't see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?



As we go through life, we find ourselves saying goodbye to friends, co-workers, family members, spouses, and partners for a variety of reasons just as described in that song. Perhaps it's a friend moving away, the changing of a job, the death of a loved one, or the ending of a relationship. Regardless of the reason, those moments are the times when we grow as individuals and become stronger and better people although in the intensity of the moment, all we may be able to see or feel is the pain associated with saying goodbye.

I think it takes almost superhuman strength to watch someone you love struggle with saying goodbye. It's such a helpless feeling because there is truly nothing you can do for that person. All the advice and insight in the world doesn't necessarily help the other say goodbye and move on.

My thoughts on saying good-bye to the past:

The past cannot be re-done or undone. It's behind you. You can only go forward from this point one moment at a time. So if a past memory comes up, allow it to! What is it trying to tell you? How do you really feel about it? Come into your truth. Then, go with what you are getting. Be REAL! Be honest with yourself about how the past really was, the good times and the bad times, and how your life might have continued to be.

The only time it will serve you to think about the past is when you truly want to learn and grow from your past experiences. Trying to bring back the past is like trying to bring back a breeze that passed by. But, you can always have a new breeze come your way.

The greatest thing you can do with your memories of the past is give them a lot of love, because they did serve you well, especially if they were difficult. If you are dwelling in a negative manner, then this is hindering your growth. Ask yourself what you have learned, and what means the most to you. Above all, trust that you would not be where you are today if those experiences were not in your life, and you are not meant to keep re-living the events of your past.

Be about creating new, positive and life enriching ones. You can trust one thing, however, and that is that if it is meant to be for your highest good, it will be, no matter which way it turns out.

In a nutshell, view the past with love and appreciation. Then you can take all of the growth you have made and create, live, be and express so much more.

TRUST that everything that has happened and does happen is meant for your highest good. Go with what your inner being and gut feelings are telling you! ALWAYS follow your inner guidance. THAT is what will create your "future" and it will result in the greatest life you could possibly have.

Sometimes the past feels like a brick wall standing in our way. But realize that brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want something. So we must break through it or go around it or over it to obtain what is most important to us and what we want most. Sometimes we must say good-bye to our past in order to embrace a present and a future that makes us want to get out of bed every morning and pursue our dreams and goals.