More on Relationships copied out of "From the Language of Letting Go"

Moving On


Sometimes, as part of taking care of ourselves, it becomes time to end certain relationships. Sometimes, it comes time to change the parameters of a particular relationship.

This is true in love, in friendships, with family, and on the job.

Endings and changes in relationships are not easy. But often, they are necessary.

Sometimes, we linger in relationships that are dead, out of fear of being alone or to postpone the inevitable grieving process that accompanies endings. Sometimes, we need to linger for a while, to prepare ourselves, to get strong and ready enough to handle the change.

If that is what we are doing, we can be gentle with ourselves. It is better to wait until that moment when it feels solid, clear, and consistent to act.

We will know. We will know. We can trust ourselves.

Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near. It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close. We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that. That's okay. The time is not yet right. Something important is still happening. When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen. We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.

Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.

Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.

We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.

No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

Our needs will get met.

Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.


From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.

Relationships, copied from A New Beginning

Relationships with other people are necessary to escape loneliness; however, relationships do not guarantee freedom from pain. Nurturing a meaningful relationship with another human being takes patience, even when we don't have any. It takes tolerance, even if we don't feel it. It takes selflessness, at those very moments our own ego is crying for attention.

Yet, we need relationships with others; they inspire us. We learn who we are and who we can become through relationships. They precipitate our accomplishments. Our creativity is encouraged by them, and so is our emotional and spiritual development.

We can look around us, attentively. We can feel blessed, even when it's a negative situation. Every situation is capable of inspiring a positive step forward. Every situation is meant for our good.

There's risk in human relationships, and it's often accompanied by pain. But I am guaranteed growth, and I will find the happiness I seek. I will reach out to someone today.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Published 1982. Second edition 1991.

Weeble Wobble Woman

I am not a weeble wobble woman. You cannot make me fall down. You cannot make me bow to your will. I will not do it. I am stronger than you. I am everything you are, everything you wish you had been, and everything you're not. I am courageous. At least I have the courage to go after what I want and pursue it with all I am. I'm not afraid of taking risks. I know who I am. I accept myself as I am, flawed as I may be, but knowing who I want to be and what I will do to become the person I want to be. Who are you to criticize me for being my own person when you can't do the same? Try a little authenticity for a change. Try accepting people as they are and meeting them where they are so that you can encourage them to be better. Try building people up rather than tearing them down. I won't be torn down. Don't blame me for choices you make. And leave me to discover the right or wrong of the choices I make. I am angry. I am hurt. I am tired. I may bend but I will not be broken. When you hit me with your words, your attitude, your looks, I may wobble, but I won't fall down. If you find me on my knees, don't raise your hopes for victory. I'm only there on my knees praying to God for you.

Footsteps in the Sand

Do you remember the poem "Footprints in the Sand"? I've included it below in case you haven't seen it. The pic is a little small but I hope you can read it. I like it because it represents my own belief that God carries us through the valleys in our lives, when we've reached rock bottom and don't think we can or even know how to carry on. He picks us up and carries us safely through the minefields. And though oftentimes we are bruised and battered when He picks us up, He always brings us through to the other side and stands us back up on solid ground. The poem is next but after that, I want to take the premise of the poem a bit further. So read on....



Today my mind was wandering and I thought about how God has never failed me. Even when I thought He had not answered prayers, sometimes the answer just wasn't what I wanted it to be but it has always been what was best for me. I looked back over my life thinking of all the times God has been there for me but in doing so, it made me see how along life's path, perhaps God has been present by sending others to walk beside me.

I can't count the number of times I've said that I'm a loner, that I walk alone, that I've had to be the strong one, that I've had to take care of myself and my own problems. And it is true enough that there have been times too numerous to count that this has been the case where I have faced and battled my demons with no one to watch my back or fight alongside me or to pick me up when I've been driven to my knees. At those times only God was there. BUT how humbled I was in looking back over time and seeing the people who have walked beside me, stood beside me, held me up when I couldn't stand on my own, who helped strengthen me after battles fought. I found friends and family alike whose footprints were clear in the sand next to mine.

These people that I'm about to name are the ones that I know without a doubt have walked or are walking with me along life's roadway. And they have my most fervent thank you and my loyalty and love for making me who I am.

My Mama and my Mamaw: The two people who were always there as I grew up, the only ones I could ever completely rely upon, the ones who taught me the meaning of strength and love

Papaw: The one who taught me important things about life like climbing trees, swinging on grapevines, how to shoot a gun, how to change the oil in a car, how to change a flat tire, how to play dominoes, how to love someone for 60+ years even if you do screw up along the way

Gigi: The one who taught me how to love someone like family even when they're not

Devin: The one who stole my heart as a baby and grew up to be more than a cousin but a best friend, a sister of my heart, the one who has ALWAYS stood up for me even when I wouldn't do it for myself

Chuck: My dearly beloved brother who loves me through good and bad and wants my happiness more than anything

Sandra: When I don't know if anyone else is praying for me, I always know she is.

Bobbi: If I could be half the woman she is, I'd be amazing.

Tina & Brian: I put them together because if ever I've seen a couple who are one, it's them. They are their own separate individual selves with distinctly different personalities but without question, they are one. They have never judged me, always been there for me, and it is their relationship that gave me hope that some day I would find someone with whom I could remain my own self but become "one" and experience a love like that.

Paige: For understanding me when I thought she wouldn't and loving me through it all like a sister.

Cin: For being part of the runaway girls and making life fun

Chris: At the times I've needed her the most, she's always come through.

Phil: One of the best friends anyone could ever ask for; an example of an honorable man; from photo phil to dr. phil, his actions and words never vary; he always tells me like it is even when I don't want to hear it.

Nick: Good Lord, what to say about Nick? If anyone has taught me anything about the meaning of true friendship, it would be him.

My children: Yes, even my children have picked me up though they may not have been aware but how can one not rise from the ground and at least make an attempt to be the person they see me as through their eyes.

Royce: There are so many cliches I could use here but what to say? Because of him, I am more alive than I can ever remember being. He breathes life into my very soul. He is my passion, my love, my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, my joy, my happiness, my hero, my peace, my safe haven, my protector, my light in the dark, my Superman. He is part of me. And he's taught me love is worth waiting for.

There are so many more people I could name but these are the ones who first came to mind today. I love them all so much. I'd give my life for any of them. Some have passed on already but I still miss them and am thankful for them.

It's good for someone like me who so often believes they're alone in this world to suddenly realize and appreciate if we're alone, sometimes it's by choice because it's clerly evident that there are people who would be there at my side in a moment.

Below is a video of a song sung by Leona Lewis and I dedicate it to the people I love.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I'm sitting here watching all these planes coming and going. I wish I were leaving on a jet plane today, leaving this place. Maybe it's my "fight or flight" mechanism kicking in. But I'm not boarding a plane. I'll be content to sit and watch others fly away. I'm not running away. I'll leave here and go home to the arms of the one who makes my heart rate soar and leaves me breathless and makes me wonder why I ever wanted to run away in the first place.

Tolerances and Boundaries - Part 2

When I read this piece on tolerances, I thought this definitely applies to me. While I'm known as being intolerant of disrespect, drama and bs, I find that far too often I tolerate more than I should and for a longer period of time than I should, and strangely enough, it's typically with people I care for and love that this happens. Doesn't that seem a little odd?

I seem to give and give and give but yet it's as though the more you give, the more people take and don't appreciate. Don't misunderstand. I don't give with the thought of gaining something in return. But the problem arises when people begin to take your giving nature and you for granted. They forget to express their appreciation. And pretty soon, they begin to take advantage. Why would people who care for one another do this?

Don't people know that when you begin to take things for granted and you fail to acknowledge the other person and fail to express appreciation of the other person, the relationship begins to wither and die. Relationships are no different than plants. You have to nurture them in order for them to survive. Otherwise, they slowly fade away.

Maybe this is where boundaries come in.


to be cont'd

Tolerances and Boundaries - Part 1

This is material I came across this morning in my daily devotional readings. It comes from an addiction oriented publication which I began reading when I first interned in an alcohol and addiction rehab facility. To my surprise at the time, I found much of the materials relevant to myself and to anyone in general rather than just the alcoholic or addict. Why I found that surprising, I'm not sure because alcoholics and addicts are simply people, simply human, just like those of us who do not suffer from such an affliction. My philosophy was then and is now: There, but by the grace of God, goes myself.

So Part 1 is the material I read this morning. Part 2 will be my thoughts on the matter.


Developing Healthy Tolerance

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain - our right to feel it and do something about it.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings - as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for others and myself.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990,

The Waiting Game

Patience is a virtue. Or so they say. If so, it's one I find myself severely lacking. I say that but yet I can be and am patient in many ways and in many instances.

to be cont'd

Quote # 5

Pain (any pain--emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: "We would be more alive if we did more of this," and, "Life would be more lovely if we did less of that." Once we get the pain's message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.
Peter McWilliams, Life 101

The Scarlett Letter

When I was in high school, I read and analyzed the book, The Scarlett Letter, for honors English. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the book, in short, the plot revolves around the life of a woman who is convicted of adultery evident by the birth of her daughter when her husband was assumed lost at sea. She is to wear a scarlett "A" upon her chest to signify her status and her "sin". When she is released from prison, she chooses to remain in her home rather than move and continues her life as before bearing the consequences of those actions. She becomes a provider for the poor and needy although she herself has little. There is much much more to the story including her "lost" husband returning and assuming a false identity, the denial of her child by her lover, and the interplay of relationships between them all. Over the past few days, I've felt as though I've had that scarlett letter "A" on my chest.

Either I had forgotten or just didn't realize what it is like to be the object of scorn and ridicule and aminosity. It's difficult to know that people think poorly of me when I know what kind of person I am and what my heart is like. It's quite unnerving to look into the face of someone you don't even know, a complete stranger to you, and see such resentment and disgust and anger and scorn directed towards you. I'm not saying that others should not have a right to their opinion or a right to voice it. However, how unfair and troublesome it is to think that people are so close minded that they don't think about the fact that there are always more sides to a story than one, and it is prudent to hear from all parties before making a judgment and speaking ill of others. Furthermore, sometimes it's wise to just say this is none of my business and I don't even know all the facts; therefore, I'll refrain from commenting or judging anyone.

Unfortunately, it seems some would like to attack me and my character for choices I've made in recent times. My relationship with my boyfriend who is currently married but separated and my actions regarding our relationship and how I've chosen to publicize my love for and life with him has fallen under great scrutiny.

I offer no excuses for the choices I've made. They were not choices I made without inner debate and concern. However, this man has brought a joy to my life that I can no more hide from others than I can hide my face. What person does not want to share with others when they feel such a profound joy? I won't apologize for nor deny my feelings. I do not deny that I am a passionate woman in many senses. I am passionate about my life, my family, my friends, my hobby, and without a doubt, about this man and the love I share with him. But I do not love nor play indiscriminately with others. That is not what these people would say about me but then they do not know me. They are basing their opinion on a solitary situation, a relationship of which they know only one person's view.

When I experienced such a show of undisguised disgust and anger from a stranger, it upset me far more than I let on. I blew the occurence off but still it hurt me. Maybe more when the identity of the person became known just because of the connection between my boyfriend and his best friend. I don't want him to ever feel ashamed of me and choices I've made. If I feel as though I am an extension of him, then it means my every action must be representative of him and his thoughts as well. I want him to be proud to call me his. I must say that, as he always does, he touched my heart by his immediate concern and exploration into the who and why of it and the fact that he stood up for me and tried to take that criticism upon himself and remove the focus from me. My heart swelled with gratitude and love for him, for those actions by him show how he feels about me. In reality, we both share the responsibility for how our relationship has evolved. I knew the possible consequences just as well as anyone.

However, little do these nay-sayers know that I would endure years of shame or scorn or whatever emotion they are attempting to evoke if it meant having the love of this man. The desire to do two things is apparent from them: to make me feel alienated from the good upstanding public and as though I am less than fit for society and secondly, to pressure me into removing any evidence of this love we share. However, I've never been one to simply cave in just because others deem it the "right" thing. My choice is to stand firm with my head held high. I have not hidden behind any falsity as some have or might. All my friends know of the situation in which I am in. That does not mean they know each and every minute detail but they know how I feel, the choices I've made, and the relationship I'm in. They are under no illusion as to how it began and how it has progressed. Some agree; some disagree with it but no one has treated me with contempt or as a pariah to society. Therefore I shun the society represented by those who would judge me and him without even attempting to have the forethought to explore every angle. And furthermore, the request to remove all evidence of our love is now falling on deaf ears. I will not hide our relationship. I have no intentions of flaunting it in anyone's face. That is not who I am. I am simply filled with happiness and I want to share it. And as long as he does not feel I am overstepping boundaries and as long as he indicates his love for and desire to be in a relationship with me and remains separated and hopefully in the future divorced, then I won't hold back from sharing parts of my life that include him with my friends and family.

I think what it boils down to is I alone will determine my own identity and actions rather than allowing others to determine it for me. Yes, it would be easier and more palatable for others if I were to pretend we are not together and to remove all evidence that we are or ever were, but to do so would be an acknowledgment of their power over me. It would be an admittance of shame and regret for the relationship. And that is something I do not feel. To pretend this relationship never happened or isn't happening would mean denying a part of myself. Yes, I wish things had occurred in a different manner; however, they did not, and now I have to take the circumstances as they have occurred and not reject them as a part of who I am but reconfigure myself to gain strength and individuality from the experience. It is an experience from which I will grow and learn and become a better me.

And the more people try to tear me and/or him down and to tear us apart only provides more opportunity for us to grow individually and to grow together building upon the strength of the bond we share. I will not easily nor readily give that up. He makes my life come to life. He brings a passion to my world in so many ways that was non-existent. I'm many things but I'm not foolish enough to let go of someone who lights up my world simply by walking in a room or seeing his name cross my phone or seeing him smile simply because certain members of society choose to criticize and judge for the way in which it came about. So the world (or those few people at the least) can be damned...as long as he loves me and stands beside me against the world or whoever should choose to be against us, together or individually, then I'd lay my bets on us.

Choices -- The Choices We Make In Life

I could spend quite a bit of time writing about the choices we make in life, and frankly, I probably will in the near future because that very topic has been on my mind for the last couple days, but I can't take credit for this writing. A friend sent this piece to me over 2 years ago, and I recently found a portion of it that I had printed and put away for future reference. Today I went looking for and found the remainder of it. It's as true today as it was when I first received it.

"The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are. Friends that don't help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider this: Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.

You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. 'A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.' The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate - for the good and the bad.

Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends. Yes...do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and will fit somewhere in the criteria above.

In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our Friends."

How Do You Help Someone to Say Goodbye?

There's a song sung by Patty Loveless entitled "How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye?"


The lyrics are as follows:

Through the back window of a '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin' further away
I kept on waving 'till I couldn't see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?



As we go through life, we find ourselves saying goodbye to friends, co-workers, family members, spouses, and partners for a variety of reasons just as described in that song. Perhaps it's a friend moving away, the changing of a job, the death of a loved one, or the ending of a relationship. Regardless of the reason, those moments are the times when we grow as individuals and become stronger and better people although in the intensity of the moment, all we may be able to see or feel is the pain associated with saying goodbye.

I think it takes almost superhuman strength to watch someone you love struggle with saying goodbye. It's such a helpless feeling because there is truly nothing you can do for that person. All the advice and insight in the world doesn't necessarily help the other say goodbye and move on.

My thoughts on saying good-bye to the past:

The past cannot be re-done or undone. It's behind you. You can only go forward from this point one moment at a time. So if a past memory comes up, allow it to! What is it trying to tell you? How do you really feel about it? Come into your truth. Then, go with what you are getting. Be REAL! Be honest with yourself about how the past really was, the good times and the bad times, and how your life might have continued to be.

The only time it will serve you to think about the past is when you truly want to learn and grow from your past experiences. Trying to bring back the past is like trying to bring back a breeze that passed by. But, you can always have a new breeze come your way.

The greatest thing you can do with your memories of the past is give them a lot of love, because they did serve you well, especially if they were difficult. If you are dwelling in a negative manner, then this is hindering your growth. Ask yourself what you have learned, and what means the most to you. Above all, trust that you would not be where you are today if those experiences were not in your life, and you are not meant to keep re-living the events of your past.

Be about creating new, positive and life enriching ones. You can trust one thing, however, and that is that if it is meant to be for your highest good, it will be, no matter which way it turns out.

In a nutshell, view the past with love and appreciation. Then you can take all of the growth you have made and create, live, be and express so much more.

TRUST that everything that has happened and does happen is meant for your highest good. Go with what your inner being and gut feelings are telling you! ALWAYS follow your inner guidance. THAT is what will create your "future" and it will result in the greatest life you could possibly have.

Sometimes the past feels like a brick wall standing in our way. But realize that brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want something. So we must break through it or go around it or over it to obtain what is most important to us and what we want most. Sometimes we must say good-bye to our past in order to embrace a present and a future that makes us want to get out of bed every morning and pursue our dreams and goals.

Beginnings and Endings

Today marks an ending and a beginning for me. It's hard to explain how I'm feeling today. Maybe I should back up a little bit and try to process it a little better.

This past weekend has been one of contentment and happiness. I spent so much time with the man I love, and just being with him gave me such a sense of peace and contentment and joy. I have never felt so at home and comfortable with anyone. He is so much an extension of me and I feel as though I am an extension of him. Where does one begin and the other one end? On Friday, I vowed I would enjoy as much of the weekend as he would share with me and take it for just that and nothing more.

But as the weekend progressed, my thoughts changed. Watching him Saturday night as he shaved, I realized that I can't settle for only a small portion of him. I need and want him in my life as much as I need and want air to breathe. At that point, I knew it had to be all or nothing. It's who I am anyway. I've always been the type of person who gives their all to a relationship. I can't do it halfway. So I found myself again making a different vow.

My vow became that before the weekend ended, I would tell him that we can't be halfway in a relationship, together but not together. Only misery awaits us on that path. And I vowed that whatever his response might be, I would be ok. If he couldn't give me his all, then I would walk away and remember him in love and affection. But I would move forward and be a stronger person for the experiences.

Little did I know that fate would intervene. Sunday morning brought a surprise visitor to our doorstep, although in reality, it wasn't much of a surprise. I think all along I knew in my gut that that person's perspective on the situation was exactly as I thought. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite the same as reality. Despite my loathing of such drama, perhaps it was for the best as it brought things out into the open and the large pink elephant sitting in the middle of the room can't be ignored or avoided any longer by any of us.

I can only speak to my feelings through all this, but that visit was a catalyst of change for me. I knew at that point that without a doubt, I was right in my assessment of how I felt and what I needed to do for myself. I spent Sunday with my love and enjoyed every minute of it but at the same time I was reflecting on what had been, what was, and what could be. By Sunday night, I knew I had to tell him where I stood.

It's most surprising really that I am that way with him, meaning I feel the need to share my feelings and my thoughts with him so readily and frequently. I've always kept my wall up so that I didn't feel the need to share with anyone so very much of my inner self. Self-protection or survival mode, I suppose. But perhaps the most wonderful blessing that has come from my relationship with him has been the slow but steady demolition of this wall I have had around my heart and my innermost self for so very long.

And that gets me to the point of why today feels like an ending and a beginning. I did make him aware of my stance and he chose to move forward with me rather than without me. If only he knew the joy in my heart for that decision, he would be so amazed. With all these events that have occurred, today I'm a different person. Today was the ending of an era in my life where the need to maintain a stronghold around my innermost self from everyone disappeared. The feeling that I must protect myself at all costs, even from him, ended. It is perhaps the most liberating feeling I have ever experienced, albeit a frightening one in some aspects. It gives him so much power to hurt me, but I don't believe he would ever purposely hurt me. It pains him when I do hurt.

So today's ending of that self-protective need also made way for a new beginning, a chance to experience life with him with no barriers that I've erected between us. I can only imagine the richness of the life we can have together when there's no real beginning or ending of one or the other of us but rather a merging of the two into one unit. Without that barrier, there is only a continuum that flows between the two.

I don't fool myself into believing everything will be easy and that, from here on out, all will go smoothly. There are many outside barriers and hurdles to overcome. There are tough and trying times ahead. But I know that I am now willing to stand naked to the core of my being before this man and give him all there is of me, both good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, and stand beside him and face anything and everything we encounter on life's path.

I've never been more authentic and real than I am with him. More than anything, I look forward to the tomorrows that are ahead because I begin as a new being with an open heart and mind and soul. How do you ever show someone enough gratitude for giving you that gift along with all the happiness that they give you? I don't really know but I'll spend every day doing my best to show him how grateful I am and the love I have for him. I don't know what the future may hold but I look at it with new eyes today.

This Too Shall Pass

Today is a struggle. I'm not sure why but I'm feeling very alone today. But then, I've been alone most of my life. Why should today affect me any differently than any day in the past when I've felt this way? I think it's because I've given so much of myself to others today that I have no strength left for myself. Girlfriends have really been pulling on me today. They all seem to have such issues and far more serious than mine. I guess I should be thankful that I could help, but as usual, everyone assumes I'm ok. Oh, well, I will be. Give me a little gym time, a little music in my headphones, and my mind will right itself as it always does.

And tomorrow a new day will dawn.

Mood buttons

I wish blogger had just a simple mood button or a mood status. Sometimes maybe I'd just like to say I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm lonely, I'm whatever I am at that moment but without typing a whole blog about it. To the powers that be, could someone get me a mood status option?

Quote # 3 & 4

"What is love? As far as I can tell, it is passion, admiration, and respect. If you have two, you have enough. If you have all three, you dont have to die to go to heaven."

--William Wharton

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me: love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person; love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of; love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

Fear of the Unknown

We all fear what we don't know - it's natural.
—Leo Buscaglia

How true that quote is! The unknown is beheld with such trepidation by most people. I liken it to being blindfolded and in an unfamiliar area. As you begin to move about, each step is uncertain. You feel as though you are trying to maneuver through a mine field. With every hesitant step, fear takes hold....fear of tripping, fear of running into something or someone, fear of stepping on something or walking off an edge and falling, the fear of hurting ourselves.

Isn't that what fear of the unknown really boils down to? It's not so much that we don't know what the end result may be but rather when faced with the "danger" of the unknown, we fear hurting ourselves, of being hurt in some way, or even hurting others or all of the above. We fear we can't do it, that somehow this time, we won't make it successfully through whatever situation the unknown holds in store for us. Oftentimes, we're afraid to take chances or risks because we fear the outcome may not be what we hope and we may be hurt in the process. But how is it possible to live life without risking pain from the unknown?

Every morning I arise with my day loosely planned as to things to do and accomplish throughout the day. But yet, so often, that plan goes out the window before the day has barely begun. Every moment, I make a choice as to what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and with each action come consequences, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes, I make a choice and it takes me in an unexpected direction. Should I fear the new direction I'm headed just because I didn't plan for it and I don't know exactly what to expect to come from it? I don't believe that. I believe we should look ahead with excitement for what may now come our way. I live with the eternal hope and faith that though life may have suddenly taken me on a twisted turn that ahead lies something beautiful, something amazing, something good for me.

I believe the problem lies not so much in fear as it does in trust. We have a hard time trusting ourselves, especially when we are afraid. We question our every move, every decision because fear of the unknown makes us doubt our ability to trust ourselves, our instincts, our "gut". Sometimes there is no right or wrong way to explore the unknown. We must simply go about it in our own way. But we must have trust in our own ability to make choices and our ability to deal with the results when those choices don't turn out the way we expected. Sometimes, we may need to lean on others for guidance, but in the end, we must be able to believe in ourselves.

I will be the first to admit that I do not always like the unknown. It sometimes threatens my sense of security. But I have come to find that I can trust my instincts. If I listen to what my heart, my head and my gut tell me, rarely have I ever been steered in the wrong direction.

It's Friday...I wonder what I will encounter on life's path today and this weekend. Whatever it is, I'm ok with not knowing. Think I'll just roll with it. :)

The best way to live is by not knowing what will happen to you at the end of the day...
Donald Barthelme

Quote # 2

I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)

Late Night

Spent last night talking to my sweetie about all the things going on right now. I hate to see people I love hurting. I wish I could take all his pain away and bear it for him. I have a lot on my mind now...contemplating everything he said, what he's thinking and feeling, what I'm thinking and feeling....BUT absolutely regardless of everything, I was so happy just to see his face, as I always am, and best of all, to sleep in his arms and wake up next to him. Can't wait to see him tonight and talk about everything on my mind now. LOL

Love Gives Us a Fairytale

"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale." I love that quote. Maybe because of what it represents to me...Hope for a fairytale of sorts, hope that true love exists, hope that there is someone who will love me for who I am and who I want to be, and who will want to share with me this fairytale we call life. And I thought love had given me that but then I was reminded this isn't a fairytale and I'm no princess, and love....well, I'm not sure where love fits into my life, romantic love anyway. Men don't fall in love with me. Men fall in lust with me. But this one man...he earned my respect and my trust and my love, and he lingers in my heart and in my soul despite the fact that he chose to walk away. Now how to convince my mind, my heart and my soul to walk away as well is the difficult part. It's not as easy as some would have me believe. They say if he's dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him. Makes sense but makes it no less difficult.

Quote # 1

Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Is Chivalry Dead?

Maybe I was born in the wrong era or maybe it's because I live in the South where men are known for treating women as ladies and acting like gentlemen. But I expect certain behavior from men in general and men in my life in particular.

This past weekend, I was on a crowded bus being shuttled from a football game out to the parking area when an older lady entered the bus where there was standing room only. In addition, she was rather vertically challenged and reaching the handholds above was a little stretch for her. Two men were seated to my immediate right but neither offered this woman a seat. As the bus lurched its way across campus, we were all swaying and struggling to maintain balance. She stumbled at one point and her friend who was seated told her to sit in her lap. One of the men made the comment that she could sit in his lap; that he'd probably enjoy that or something to that effect.

Now I'll just say I was already ticked that this man had not offered his seat to a woman. I didn't care that he didn't offer it to me. Frankly, I was younger than him and although I believe a man should offer his seat to a woman, I was probably more agile than he and better able to stand for the ride. However, for him not to offer his seat to an older woman and to make such a comment was the height of disrespect as far as I'm concerned.

Call me old-fashioned or what you like. I adore, and have greater respect for, men who treat women as a treasure. Do I want to be respected by men? You bet. And I earn that respect by my own behavior and conduct. But do I also want to be adored and treated as a precious and priceless treasure? You better believe it. I love having doors opened for me and being the recipient of courteous and thoughtful gestures. It makes me feel as though someone is looking out for and taking care of me. Sure I could open my own doors and take care of myself and I do all the time, but having a man who extends those actions towards me makes me feel more of a woman and makes me look at him as more of a man.

So much chivalrous behavior has fallen to the wayside in the name of women's lib or equality. I question at times the high cost of what we're giving up in order to obtain that. Are we forcing men into roles that are not natural to them? By women's very own actions, are we pushing men to treat us as they would other men? No matter how strong or how tough we are as women, we have a softer side that enjoys being indulged and cared for by a strong man.

My views on the roles of men and women could go on and on. Perhaps that's the topic for another blog when I have a bit more time.

No Blogs?

No blogging for me recently. Internet service at home has been sketchy at best. No clue what the problem is. Bought a new modem but oh, no, that didn't fix the problem. So today I'll have to deal with the service provider and try to find a solution. It drives me nuts when I have something to say or get off my chest or out of my head and I can't. Working on that but I also added the mobile option for blogger so that now I can blog straight from my phone. How cool is that! We'll see how that goes. So until all that's resolved, forgive my lack of attention. :)

Speaking of rambling, I often used to wonder why I rambled on and on so very much when talking to a recent love interest. I knew I did it but seemed powerless to stop. Poor guy....he had to listen to all that. But gotta give him props...he always listened and never asked me to stifle my tongue or my thoughts. I know now why I rambled on as I did: talking to him was like talking to myself. That's how close I felt to him. That's a rare thing for me. Something I should remember for future reference....

Short intro

I ramble when I talk to myself...a lot. :) Thus the blog name. And since this serves as a forum for me to talk to myself, it seemed to make sense. My thoughts are sometimes random and scattered, while, at other times, completely focused. So you never know what you're getting when reading what I write. Sometimes I may jot down just a single thought that consists of a sentence or two or just words even. Other times, you may find paragraph after paragraph. So feel free to read any, all or none. Comment if you like. I do enjoy getting feedback from others. However, I don't write for other people; I write for myself. Sometimes it's therapeutic for me to write what I feel and think. Other times, I may feel strongly about a topic and want to express an opinion. And I welcome others' opinions as well.

Thanks for taking time to visit my blog. Hope you don't mind the clutter in my mind at times. :)