Today is a struggle. I'm not sure why but I'm feeling very alone today. But then, I've been alone most of my life. Why should today affect me any differently than any day in the past when I've felt this way? I think it's because I've given so much of myself to others today that I have no strength left for myself. Girlfriends have really been pulling on me today. They all seem to have such issues and far more serious than mine. I guess I should be thankful that I could help, but as usual, everyone assumes I'm ok. Oh, well, I will be. Give me a little gym time, a little music in my headphones, and my mind will right itself as it always does.
And tomorrow a new day will dawn.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Mood buttons
I wish blogger had just a simple mood button or a mood status. Sometimes maybe I'd just like to say I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad, I'm lonely, I'm whatever I am at that moment but without typing a whole blog about it. To the powers that be, could someone get me a mood status option?
Quote # 3 & 4
"What is love? As far as I can tell, it is passion, admiration, and respect. If you have two, you have enough. If you have all three, you dont have to die to go to heaven."
--William Wharton
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me: love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person; love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of; love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
--William Wharton
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me: love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person; love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of; love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
Fear of the Unknown
We all fear what we don't know - it's natural.
—Leo Buscaglia
How true that quote is! The unknown is beheld with such trepidation by most people. I liken it to being blindfolded and in an unfamiliar area. As you begin to move about, each step is uncertain. You feel as though you are trying to maneuver through a mine field. With every hesitant step, fear takes hold....fear of tripping, fear of running into something or someone, fear of stepping on something or walking off an edge and falling, the fear of hurting ourselves.
Isn't that what fear of the unknown really boils down to? It's not so much that we don't know what the end result may be but rather when faced with the "danger" of the unknown, we fear hurting ourselves, of being hurt in some way, or even hurting others or all of the above. We fear we can't do it, that somehow this time, we won't make it successfully through whatever situation the unknown holds in store for us. Oftentimes, we're afraid to take chances or risks because we fear the outcome may not be what we hope and we may be hurt in the process. But how is it possible to live life without risking pain from the unknown?
Every morning I arise with my day loosely planned as to things to do and accomplish throughout the day. But yet, so often, that plan goes out the window before the day has barely begun. Every moment, I make a choice as to what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and with each action come consequences, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes, I make a choice and it takes me in an unexpected direction. Should I fear the new direction I'm headed just because I didn't plan for it and I don't know exactly what to expect to come from it? I don't believe that. I believe we should look ahead with excitement for what may now come our way. I live with the eternal hope and faith that though life may have suddenly taken me on a twisted turn that ahead lies something beautiful, something amazing, something good for me.
I believe the problem lies not so much in fear as it does in trust. We have a hard time trusting ourselves, especially when we are afraid. We question our every move, every decision because fear of the unknown makes us doubt our ability to trust ourselves, our instincts, our "gut". Sometimes there is no right or wrong way to explore the unknown. We must simply go about it in our own way. But we must have trust in our own ability to make choices and our ability to deal with the results when those choices don't turn out the way we expected. Sometimes, we may need to lean on others for guidance, but in the end, we must be able to believe in ourselves.
I will be the first to admit that I do not always like the unknown. It sometimes threatens my sense of security. But I have come to find that I can trust my instincts. If I listen to what my heart, my head and my gut tell me, rarely have I ever been steered in the wrong direction.
It's Friday...I wonder what I will encounter on life's path today and this weekend. Whatever it is, I'm ok with not knowing. Think I'll just roll with it. :)
The best way to live is by not knowing what will happen to you at the end of the day...
Donald Barthelme
—Leo Buscaglia
How true that quote is! The unknown is beheld with such trepidation by most people. I liken it to being blindfolded and in an unfamiliar area. As you begin to move about, each step is uncertain. You feel as though you are trying to maneuver through a mine field. With every hesitant step, fear takes hold....fear of tripping, fear of running into something or someone, fear of stepping on something or walking off an edge and falling, the fear of hurting ourselves.
Isn't that what fear of the unknown really boils down to? It's not so much that we don't know what the end result may be but rather when faced with the "danger" of the unknown, we fear hurting ourselves, of being hurt in some way, or even hurting others or all of the above. We fear we can't do it, that somehow this time, we won't make it successfully through whatever situation the unknown holds in store for us. Oftentimes, we're afraid to take chances or risks because we fear the outcome may not be what we hope and we may be hurt in the process. But how is it possible to live life without risking pain from the unknown?
Every morning I arise with my day loosely planned as to things to do and accomplish throughout the day. But yet, so often, that plan goes out the window before the day has barely begun. Every moment, I make a choice as to what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and with each action come consequences, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes, I make a choice and it takes me in an unexpected direction. Should I fear the new direction I'm headed just because I didn't plan for it and I don't know exactly what to expect to come from it? I don't believe that. I believe we should look ahead with excitement for what may now come our way. I live with the eternal hope and faith that though life may have suddenly taken me on a twisted turn that ahead lies something beautiful, something amazing, something good for me.
I believe the problem lies not so much in fear as it does in trust. We have a hard time trusting ourselves, especially when we are afraid. We question our every move, every decision because fear of the unknown makes us doubt our ability to trust ourselves, our instincts, our "gut". Sometimes there is no right or wrong way to explore the unknown. We must simply go about it in our own way. But we must have trust in our own ability to make choices and our ability to deal with the results when those choices don't turn out the way we expected. Sometimes, we may need to lean on others for guidance, but in the end, we must be able to believe in ourselves.
I will be the first to admit that I do not always like the unknown. It sometimes threatens my sense of security. But I have come to find that I can trust my instincts. If I listen to what my heart, my head and my gut tell me, rarely have I ever been steered in the wrong direction.
It's Friday...I wonder what I will encounter on life's path today and this weekend. Whatever it is, I'm ok with not knowing. Think I'll just roll with it. :)
The best way to live is by not knowing what will happen to you at the end of the day...
Donald Barthelme
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Quote # 2
I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)
Gilda Radner (1946 - 1989)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Late Night
Spent last night talking to my sweetie about all the things going on right now. I hate to see people I love hurting. I wish I could take all his pain away and bear it for him. I have a lot on my mind now...contemplating everything he said, what he's thinking and feeling, what I'm thinking and feeling....BUT absolutely regardless of everything, I was so happy just to see his face, as I always am, and best of all, to sleep in his arms and wake up next to him. Can't wait to see him tonight and talk about everything on my mind now. LOL
Monday, November 15, 2010
Love Gives Us a Fairytale
"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale." I love that quote. Maybe because of what it represents to me...Hope for a fairytale of sorts, hope that true love exists, hope that there is someone who will love me for who I am and who I want to be, and who will want to share with me this fairytale we call life. And I thought love had given me that but then I was reminded this isn't a fairytale and I'm no princess, and love....well, I'm not sure where love fits into my life, romantic love anyway. Men don't fall in love with me. Men fall in lust with me. But this one man...he earned my respect and my trust and my love, and he lingers in my heart and in my soul despite the fact that he chose to walk away. Now how to convince my mind, my heart and my soul to walk away as well is the difficult part. It's not as easy as some would have me believe. They say if he's dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him. Makes sense but makes it no less difficult.
Quote # 1
Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Is Chivalry Dead?
Maybe I was born in the wrong era or maybe it's because I live in the South where men are known for treating women as ladies and acting like gentlemen. But I expect certain behavior from men in general and men in my life in particular.
This past weekend, I was on a crowded bus being shuttled from a football game out to the parking area when an older lady entered the bus where there was standing room only. In addition, she was rather vertically challenged and reaching the handholds above was a little stretch for her. Two men were seated to my immediate right but neither offered this woman a seat. As the bus lurched its way across campus, we were all swaying and struggling to maintain balance. She stumbled at one point and her friend who was seated told her to sit in her lap. One of the men made the comment that she could sit in his lap; that he'd probably enjoy that or something to that effect.
Now I'll just say I was already ticked that this man had not offered his seat to a woman. I didn't care that he didn't offer it to me. Frankly, I was younger than him and although I believe a man should offer his seat to a woman, I was probably more agile than he and better able to stand for the ride. However, for him not to offer his seat to an older woman and to make such a comment was the height of disrespect as far as I'm concerned.
Call me old-fashioned or what you like. I adore, and have greater respect for, men who treat women as a treasure. Do I want to be respected by men? You bet. And I earn that respect by my own behavior and conduct. But do I also want to be adored and treated as a precious and priceless treasure? You better believe it. I love having doors opened for me and being the recipient of courteous and thoughtful gestures. It makes me feel as though someone is looking out for and taking care of me. Sure I could open my own doors and take care of myself and I do all the time, but having a man who extends those actions towards me makes me feel more of a woman and makes me look at him as more of a man.
So much chivalrous behavior has fallen to the wayside in the name of women's lib or equality. I question at times the high cost of what we're giving up in order to obtain that. Are we forcing men into roles that are not natural to them? By women's very own actions, are we pushing men to treat us as they would other men? No matter how strong or how tough we are as women, we have a softer side that enjoys being indulged and cared for by a strong man.
My views on the roles of men and women could go on and on. Perhaps that's the topic for another blog when I have a bit more time.
This past weekend, I was on a crowded bus being shuttled from a football game out to the parking area when an older lady entered the bus where there was standing room only. In addition, she was rather vertically challenged and reaching the handholds above was a little stretch for her. Two men were seated to my immediate right but neither offered this woman a seat. As the bus lurched its way across campus, we were all swaying and struggling to maintain balance. She stumbled at one point and her friend who was seated told her to sit in her lap. One of the men made the comment that she could sit in his lap; that he'd probably enjoy that or something to that effect.
Now I'll just say I was already ticked that this man had not offered his seat to a woman. I didn't care that he didn't offer it to me. Frankly, I was younger than him and although I believe a man should offer his seat to a woman, I was probably more agile than he and better able to stand for the ride. However, for him not to offer his seat to an older woman and to make such a comment was the height of disrespect as far as I'm concerned.
Call me old-fashioned or what you like. I adore, and have greater respect for, men who treat women as a treasure. Do I want to be respected by men? You bet. And I earn that respect by my own behavior and conduct. But do I also want to be adored and treated as a precious and priceless treasure? You better believe it. I love having doors opened for me and being the recipient of courteous and thoughtful gestures. It makes me feel as though someone is looking out for and taking care of me. Sure I could open my own doors and take care of myself and I do all the time, but having a man who extends those actions towards me makes me feel more of a woman and makes me look at him as more of a man.
So much chivalrous behavior has fallen to the wayside in the name of women's lib or equality. I question at times the high cost of what we're giving up in order to obtain that. Are we forcing men into roles that are not natural to them? By women's very own actions, are we pushing men to treat us as they would other men? No matter how strong or how tough we are as women, we have a softer side that enjoys being indulged and cared for by a strong man.
My views on the roles of men and women could go on and on. Perhaps that's the topic for another blog when I have a bit more time.
No Blogs?
No blogging for me recently. Internet service at home has been sketchy at best. No clue what the problem is. Bought a new modem but oh, no, that didn't fix the problem. So today I'll have to deal with the service provider and try to find a solution. It drives me nuts when I have something to say or get off my chest or out of my head and I can't. Working on that but I also added the mobile option for blogger so that now I can blog straight from my phone. How cool is that! We'll see how that goes. So until all that's resolved, forgive my lack of attention. :)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Speaking of rambling, I often used to wonder why I rambled on and on so very much when talking to a recent love interest. I knew I did it but seemed powerless to stop. Poor guy....he had to listen to all that. But gotta give him props...he always listened and never asked me to stifle my tongue or my thoughts. I know now why I rambled on as I did: talking to him was like talking to myself. That's how close I felt to him. That's a rare thing for me. Something I should remember for future reference....
Short intro
I ramble when I talk to myself...a lot. :) Thus the blog name. And since this serves as a forum for me to talk to myself, it seemed to make sense. My thoughts are sometimes random and scattered, while, at other times, completely focused. So you never know what you're getting when reading what I write. Sometimes I may jot down just a single thought that consists of a sentence or two or just words even. Other times, you may find paragraph after paragraph. So feel free to read any, all or none. Comment if you like. I do enjoy getting feedback from others. However, I don't write for other people; I write for myself. Sometimes it's therapeutic for me to write what I feel and think. Other times, I may feel strongly about a topic and want to express an opinion. And I welcome others' opinions as well.
Thanks for taking time to visit my blog. Hope you don't mind the clutter in my mind at times. :)
Thanks for taking time to visit my blog. Hope you don't mind the clutter in my mind at times. :)
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